Hey hey lil spring break bishes!
With each tick of the clock, we’re getting closer to our #PEAK because the best week of the school year is coming down the tracks for us fast.
According to my math, we have T-minus-16 days to get the bikinis, cover-ups, sandals, sunglasses, tans, and toned tummy area secured. That’s right sister, it’s time to hit the “place order” button on all your prospective online shopping endeavors.
Whether you’re gonna be a Bahamas mama, Cabo queen, Miami mess, Dominican dime piece, or St. Barths sweetheart this break, MB is here to make sure you dodge the SB dangers so you’re always ready for your close-up.
SB Rule #1 – Don’t. drink. The water.
In coastal areas, the water table sits very close to the surface and is often contaminated by garbage dumps and runoff. Even the locals don’t drink the water in a lot of these places. This also pertains to ice cubes, so take a second guess before you throw back that watered-down mind-eraser at Mango Deck.
Taking a shower? Mouth closed at all times.
Brushing your teeth? Use your smart water like mama taught you.
SB Rule #2 – If it grows in the ground, use precaution
Fruits and vegetables usually travel from farm to store without being thoroughly washed. Here’s a shocker no one really thinks about – salsa counts as a vegetable. This sneaky little culprit is notorious for giving out some gruesome cases of Montezuma’s revenge. One drunken chip in this dip could have you spending the rest of your week hugging your toilet.
SB Rule #3 – The fine line between sun-kissed and sun-singed
We’ve all done it. You slather on some SPF 8 (like the fabulous anti-age, anti-wrinkle preventer, part-dermatologist you think you are) and figure you’re good to go for the next 10 hours under the southern equator sun. Fast forward to getting ready for the night and you look in the mirror to find your face is 5 shades darker than your fav Chanel blush. Sound familiar?
PSA – water-proof sunscreen does not work like your water-proof mascara
I’m not going to tell you what level SPF to use (I’m a 30 girl TOPS while the skin experts will tell you at least 50… (live a little??)) … but do try to keep up with it. You’ll thank yourself when you’re not the tomato face in the group pic.
SB Rule #4 – Don’t take drinks from foreign men with mustaches
The title for this rule was a teaser. By foreign men with mustaches, I mean ANY random dude who offers you a drink.
In the 21st century, scientific advancements have improved our lives in miraculous ways. We can do things like clone goats and create babies in petri dishes. Unfortunately, this systematic progress has brought evils with it as well – considering just about any type of substance can be powdered, liquefied, even vaporized and dropped in a drink without a spec of detection.
Order your own drink directly from the bar and hold on to that sucker for dear life.
SB Rule #5 – Travel light for the flight
Let’s be real. You’re going to talk yourself into thinking you need a nude wedge, heeled sandal, platform wedge, flat sandal, flip flops, lace-up sandal, and maybe even some hiking boots in case you feel like scaling the Damajaqua Cascades, right??
Shoes are heavy. Your 5 different types of face moisturizers are heavy. Your 18 maxi dresses collectively become… very heavy. Pretty soon you’re wheeling a suitcase the size of a U-Haul trailer behind you through DFW but you look cute because you’re wearing a springy wide-brim straw hat your BFF said “you can totally pull off.” You’re precious.
But to avoid the $7483958-dollar over-weight bag fee that these sketchy airlines like to superimpose on your already pricey plane ticket, take a step back and remember you’re going to be spending 90% of your time in two mere pieces of fabric –your bikini. There’s no need to bring your summer wardrobe.
SO, there’s my two-cents on how to make the best of your week.
Try to remember ‘tequila’ is not its own food group.
Stay hydrated, stay safe, and stay stylin <3