Yes, yes, ok I get it… you’ve seen this sort of post about 1,000 times now, and it’s only been two days. BUT I assume that if you’re reading this one right now you must be invested in the KYSPIRACY, like myself. The topic of the day and on everyone’s mind: Kylie Jenner’s baby girl.
Let’s start with the basics: On February 1st, 2018, 20-year-old Jenner gave birth to a girl. However, it took a mere three days after for her to finally admit it to the world after months of speculation and anxiety. Can’t forget to mention the father, Travis Scott, who, might I add, already has a kid himself.
On top of the big news, Jenner included an 11:32 video documenting what the past nine months of her life have looked like. Kinda shocking to think she knew about this in around June/July, but it took at least until September for the gossip to start. I mean think about it, her spin-off show “Life of Kylie” aired around September into maybe early November, she would have already been at least five months pregnant. Wow, would I LOVEEEE to see season 2 of that show now.
Jenner let us all know the news over Instagram, are we surprised? If you’re not one of the 9,836,680 people and counting who have seen and liked the post, you can find it here.
The video, which, again, if you’re not one of the 34,222,456 views, it can be found here, literally confirms all of our suspicions from the beginning. Everything from the first few sonograms, to the pink pj baby shower (would be interested to see more of that, btw), all the way up to the birth. It’s like what Sarah Smith and I were discussing today: we knew it was true, but for her to announce it, was truly shocking and honestly, rattled me to the core. I won’t lie, I’m embarrassed to say, but I was shaking– don’t ask me why. I think if I had to guess it was the hype of the Super Bowl mixed with all the emotions I’ve felt towards Kylie these past few months. Also, she’s a year younger than me… call me crazy, but wouldn’t that rattle you to the core too????
The way people reacted was priceless. @ManRepeller had some bomb tweets that really resonated with me in my time of confusion and happiness. But if you simply search #kyliesbaby on Twitter, you’re bound to find something good.
So, what now? Well, for one thing, we’ve now opened a flood gate of obnoxious Instagrams and Snapchats of anything relating to the baby, except THE baby, of course. But this is what we get, we asked for it people, it’s our fault. After what seems like years of begging and pleading for the truth to finally be exposed, we deserve what we’re about to get.
Monday (the day after the announcement), for example, Jenner insisted on posting countless Snapchats of flowers she received from her family and friends. “Extra” would be the first word I would use to describe them. You think it’s hard to watch your friend who just had a baby post about it all the time? Kylie’s taking that to a WHOLE new level.
You see, I feel better knowing I’m not alone in this obsession. Evident in the fact that when I posted a Snapchat of myself “researching” theories on Jenner’s baby names, I received a myriad of replies. Some were from people I’m close with, others not so much. So, I guess one benefit of all this mischief is the idea that Kylie’s baby is bringing us all together, uniting us under one common theme and curiosity.
Knowing the youngest Jenner, if it took her all of nine months to announce the fact that she was even having a baby in the first place, it’s safe to assume we won’t know the official name for another nine. Heck, I’m shocked we even know the gender. However, I guess we’ve known all along. Let us never forget the famous pink Christmas decorations.
After my extensive research, I’m throwing down $10 and betting she names the kid “Mariposa.”
Ok so work with me here, she’d actually call her “Posie.” My thought process comes from the clues: a) “Mariposa” = Spanish for “Butterfly,” which also refers to the baby’s father’s song “Butterfly Effect.” b) Notice in the video, and on Instagram, Kylie is sporting some pretty blinged out butterfly jewelry. No judgment, but that’s not the first piece I would invest all my moolah in UNLESS it was significant. c) Kylie Cosmetics dropped a “Posie K Trio Lip Set” ON FEBRUARY 1ST!!!!! Not a coincidence.
This is NOT another publicity stunt. Kylie Jenner has actually had her famous, mythical creature of a baby and now we all have to deal with it. Sorry Kim and Khloe, this one-ups your pregnancies COMBINED. Frankly, I don’t know how the Kardashian’s are going to top this because their popularity has peaked.
That’s all I have. This was really cathartic for me, and for that, I appreciate you all. Please though, don’t go having babies.